Yikes! There’s a good chance your dog didn’t make the 10 Best List. Or, worse yet, made the Five Worst List. Not to worry! With a little help from you, your dog can be a canine ambassador—and attract new friends to you and to his breed.
If Your Dog Looks Scary
If you’ve got a big, brawny, scary-looking dog, soften his looks. The easiest, most effective way: a cool bandana around his neck. If he’s kind of a lovable goofball, maybe he wouldn’t even mind wearing a sun visor and sunglasses in summer. These tiny cosmetic changes have an enormous impact on how people view your dog.
If Your Dog Is Very Little or Looks Weird
Train your dog. People admire a dog who is very well trained—one who sits when you stop, does tricks, works on hand signals . Much of the resistance to very little dogs, very big dogs and oddlooking dogs is old-fashioned prejudice. These people decide they don’t like your dog without ever meeting him, and for no reason. What you’ll learn when you help people overcome this prejudice by showing off your well-trained dog is that the dog’s biggest detractors will turn into his biggest fans. They won’t just think he’s smart, they’ll think he’s the smartest dog in the world. And he’s not just friendly, he’s the most lovable dog in history. That’s the positive side of overcoming prejudice—it turns into adoration.
Carrying a Toy
Lots of dogs like to carry toys with them on walks. If you have a dog who looks scary or a little dog, you’d be amazed how people respond to the dog showing his teddy bear to everyone. (Of course, this only works if the dog likes to share his teddy bear. If he growls and stares balefully at the person admiring the toy, this isn’t good. Not good at all.)
Dogs Who Play Golf and Soccer
Here are some true stories about how people’s views about a dog change just by what he does. My dog Radar is a seven-pound Papillon—a little black and white dog with huge ears that look like butterfly wings. Although Radar has several obedience titles to his credit, men were mostly unimpressed by this butterfly dog. Until he
played golf.
A local television station decided to develop a fake commercial, in which viewers could supposedly buy “pup putts”—golfing gadgets that would improve your score. I trained Radar to grab a golf ball and drop it into the hole when I said, “Make par!”
During training (which I did on a putting practice area at a local golf course) and during filming, Radar’s golf game turned quite a few heads. This demographically desirable group of men—who would normally have been nonplussed by a dog who has been described as “a cat in drag”—were fascinated by the way he played their game. After one practice session, a man came up, looked at Radar in admiration, and said, “That is a great dog.” I knew a Pit Bull who always carried a soccer ball when he went
for walks. When kids (or attractive women) came up, the man who owned the dog would ask them to throw the dog’s ball. The dog would kick the ball back, and the dog and the woman would play soccer. Suddenly, instead of being a big, scary Pit Bull, this great dog was a fun soccer buddy.
Sports companies have said for years that the truly hip play sports. Apparently, if your dog plays sports, he’s viewed as more cool—and probably more human—than other dogs. Your dog doesn’t have to be the canine equivalent of Michael Jordan. Bring along a Frisbee or a tennis ball for him to chase and people will volunteer to throw it. When they experience the joy of playing fetch with a great dog, they forget to hate the dog.
If You Have a Poodle
Poodles of all three sizes (toy, miniature and standard) are handsome, athletic, intelligent dogs—and some of the most highly trainable animals in dogdom. What everyone makes fun of is the hairdo. There’s nothing in this world that says you have to decorate your Poodle with pompons. One of the most handsome dogs I’ve ever seen was a Standard Poodle whose coat was cut evenly all over, about half an inch long. This included the tail: no fancy pompon. The dog’s owner spent huge amounts of time convincing people this was really a Poodle. Groomed without frills, the dog looked more like the sporting dog this breed used to be.
The other alternative is to embrace the frills. There used to be a woman who jogged through my neighborhood with her black Standard Poodle. The dog was in full show coat: huge billows of hair on his head and chest, and shaved naked on his butt and legs (except for those decorative pompons). The woman who jogged with him always wore a black, fluffy, faux fur jacket that just came to her waist, and skin-tight black leggings. Yes, the dog and owner looked like they were wearing matching outfits. But they were both beautiful and athletic. People couldn’t help but stand still and watch them jog by with their elegant strides. In that instance, it worked to embrace the weirdness.
What to Do if the Dog You Love Isn’t on the List
The Cost of Dog Ownership
Most studies say that a typical dog owner spends about $500 a year to care for his or her dog.
Ha! Ha! Ha! If you’re a serious dog owner, you are laughing now. For most of us, $500 a year is a mere down payment. There are the dental appointments (you don’t want a dog with periodontal disease—and the bad breath that comes with it). And there are training classes: obedience, agility, maybe something exotic like flyball or dancing with dogs. And the groomer. And the super-premium all-natural food, made with human-grade ingredients that cost six times as much as what you paid for your own dinner last night.
The expenses that can really put you in the poorhouse are the medical bills. Does your dog have a spinal problem? Make an appointment with a veterinary neurologist and a surgeon—and maybe even an acupuncturist and a chiropractor. Don’t forget weeks at a specially designed doggie spa for physical rehabilitation.
There are doggie ophthalmologists, allergists, orthopedic surgeons, oncologists, cardiologists, reproductive specialists, dentists (who actually do doggie orthodontia) and even veterinary behaviorists—the canine equivalent of a psychiatrist. And they are not being paid by an HMO.
You’ll want your dog to have the best of everything, from custom doggie beds to special training treats to rhinestone collars to Halloween costumes. Expect to spend about $1,500 a year if you’re a really devoted dog owner.
Because your dog is getting top-notch care, he’ll live longer than most pets; a healthy, robust dog is likely to live to be 14 or over. Fourteen years at $1,500 a year—that’s $21,000 over the life of your dog.
For $21,000 you can:
- Rent a Jaguar for three years or buy a Chrysler PT Cruiser and pay for insurance for four years. These cars are babe magnets and stud finders.
- Go to Harvard for eight months. Mentioning you went to Harvard is a sure-fire way to impress a member of the opposite sex.
- Rent a yacht and have the party of a lifetime—inviting every potential date you know.
- Buy the woman of your dreams a pair of diamond earrings (total carat weight of 2.0) from the Victoria collection at Tiffany and Company, and still have money to take her to a Broadway play and dinner at Sardi’s.
- Buy the man you’ve got a crush on a Rolex Oyster President gold watch, and still have money left over to take him to an NBA play-off game.
- Get 14 Armani suits (for men or women). The corporate executive look just might catch the eye of someone else who’s spending a fortune on clothes to attract an executive-type mate.
- Make yourself over with cosmetic surgery. For $21,000, you can buy liposuction, a tummy tuck, a facelift and breast augmentation (for women) or pectoral implants (for men).
So, if you’re a non-dog person just looking for love, you can improve your odds by spending your money at the car dealership, Tiffany’s, or maybe even the plastic surgeon’s office.
